see if i can't think through the snot clearly enough to get some of my thoughts down now. i've sat in group twice today with david crosby, and that guy has a long way to go before he even is in the same neighborhood as better. his entire repertoire is about how he has been wronged and offended and held back, with no consideration for his own role in his problems. now i understand how i must have sounded for the last few months. the only difference is that i think ol' dave here genuinely believes it's everyone else's fault.
i'm actually kind of excited to start therapy. i've never had the guts to do it, though i knew i should, and now there are no excuses. i'm nervous about it - i understand it may be difficult at times - but at what price ignorance? it seems a foolish thing to say, but what a gift for someone to teach me how to be happy. for many or most people that is a natural response. for me it is not. i've had plenty of joyful moments in my life, but i've never been able to look oer a 4-6 week period and say that overall i was happy. and that's how i am broken. my brain chemistry fights happy, and even when it's ok my mind and heart don't know how to do happy.
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