this is by far the most surreal experience of my entire life. if anyone out there is like me, every movie you've ever seen about a mental ward you have dismissed as melodrama. i will never think that again. i have now had the same discussion with the same guy 14 times. literally, the same words from him. 14 times. incredible. adolf knows every hit from the 50s and is moving into the 60s. california dreamin' has never sounded so...twisted.
today i was in group with a guy we'll call jerry, if only because he is a guitar player who reminds me of the late mr. garcia. he has been my biggest revelation. he is what i could have been and could become. he is physically broken at 56. he has two grown children whose childhood he missed because of his drinking. he wasn't allowed to See them. he has an 18-year-old son who resents him for being a drunk even though he was around. he was drunk and cleaning his gun when it discharged, and no one believes it was an accident. that could be me. holy. crap.
andy's coming at 6:30, brandie at 7, and i don't know if i'm ready for it. i'm still embarrassed to the point where even though everyone knows about this i want to handle it on my own. alone.
duh.
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