oops...

so, uh...day one, right? not so much. for those who are unaware, i've been away for a few days. i'm free now (free to look out the window, free to live my story, free to sing along...), but it'll take me a bit to re assimilate. spell-check thinks i just made that word up, and it may be right. feh.

i kept a journal while i was in, and it is my intent to post it here, unaltered except to change out some names that i may have recorded in it for aliases to protect identities. there will be no specific indication of where i was, no physical descriptions that would indicate that either, so that all concerned may have their privacies. but suffice it to say that the last three days have been the weirdest, most frightening, most enlightening experience of my life to date. this journal/blog posting (or, more realistically, series of postings) will no doubt be hilarious at times, and while in the moments those things were funny i want everyone who reads this to understand that each of these people is not a character. none of this is fantasized or dramatized or otherwise made up. none of these people is a composite. each detail in here is real and exactly as i perceived it.

i would also like to get out in front of something i expect will occur to some who read this, especially anyone who has mental health experience, and most especially those who have been on the patient side of the therapist's desk. there are not many revelations herein. a crisis intervention psych unit is not a place for revelation. it's simply not what they do. they stabilize, they make certain one is safe. the disparate nature of the illnesses and sheer number of cases make therapy all but impossible, to the point where the group therapy sessions are less about true therapy and more about being certain that no one is playing the shrinking violet and becoming a hermit. they can try to help socialize the patients, and they can make an attempt at therapy, but only in the very broadest of terms, so broad that they are all but impossible to apply on an individual basis. this is not to criticize at all; i admire the attempt. but it is the reality of it, and i wanted anyone who would read this and suggest that i haven't really begun to come to any realizations to understand that i already know this. that is what the coming therapy is for.

bear with me - it will likely take me a few days to get this posted. i'm not much of a typist, and though brandie has volunteered to transcribe for me i think it's something i'd like to do myself, both as a therapeutic process and so that i can edit names and details to protect those that need protecting.

lastly, thanks to jesse, clay, mary, kim, wilma, julee and all the others whose names i am already forgetting. you guys know who you are. i am amazed by what you do and the aplomb with which you do it. you are an impressive lot in an inglorious field, and it's a shame and a blessing that more people don't know that.